Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"

Me: Someone told me to go to hell

Me: Couldn't find it at first

Me: But now I'm here

kalikardashian:

thelilnan:

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE

OKAY

AJAX SOAP

image

THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE”

AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT

AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH

AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE

someone who worked at ajax has literally waited 66 years for you to get this

(via sandwichesofsatan)

seifukucat:

welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. i’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and i just have to say i’m really disappointed

(via littlecat-meow)

alphabitches:

My cousin came out to his mum by baking a cookie and writing “GAY” on it with icing and then went up to her and said “you are what you eat” then he ate the motherfucking cookie and if that’s not the best way to come out idk what is

(via sandwichesofsatan)

ammit420:

horror movie synopsis

  • white family moves into house
  • the house got some shit in it
  • family refuses to acknowledge that they got some shit in they house
  • turns out that shit is some ultrashit

(via bastille)